Brave Face

I literally sat at my hotel window and sang “Lonely” with some altered lyrics to suit my situation. Yes, I’m actually that pathetic.

I’ve always been really good at putting on a brave face. Fake it ’til you make it kind of thing. I’m a major introvert, but if you tell some people that they would never believe it. Want to know why? Because I’m such a people pleaser that I learned how to be an extrovert. I’ve even learned to enjoy being social, but that only lasts for so long. I can only handle a few hours at a time of being away from home, away from family.

My first week out of town I was riding the high of my new job, exploring a new city and faking my extroverted-ness so hard that I even believed it myself. I was an independent woman! I did everything on my own!

You know what? Fuck that.

I miss my fiance, I miss my bed, I miss my freaking kitchen. Today was hard and I want to go home. I feel emotionally raw. The weekend was incredibly short with a drive home on Friday night and a drive back on Sunday evening. Throw in a wedding appointment combined with a mother’s day celebration and you’ve got what felt like five minutes at home.

I need Bryce. I need snuggles, I need my carpool buddy (okay, driver), I need his emotional support to keep me sane. Yeah, I’m dependent on him and I’m perfectly happy with that. If someone else doesn’t like it, that’s so their problem. Dependence is a two-way street for us. Personally, I think you should be dependent on the person you are marrying. That’s kind of the point right? I guess I’m just saying, I’m done with my brave face. Today, being away from home doesn’t feel worth it.

I’ll hop off my soapbox now. Apologies for the lack of posts. Obviously, I’m still adjusting to working out of town for the next month.


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